What's in a Name?

What's with, "Your heart is rent?" "What does it mean?" As a working mom, it means everything. It is a big part of who I am. I have always admired Golda Meir and could lace my blog with numerous thoughts and quotes from the lady. However, this particular quote touches me to the core, however cliche that might sound.

'Rent' in this context is the past tense of 'rend'. Definition: "to tear apart or into pieces violently; to penetrate and disturb; to distress the heart painfully". Yep, this quote pretty much sums it up as to what I feel on almost a daily basis.

Because being a mother is how I most define myself outside of being a child of God, I chose to go with what I feel the most regarding motherhood as I named this new blog. Sure, I feel joy, happiness, laughter, strength, and freedom (yes, freedom) at being a mother, I also feel my heart is rent.

My two sons are my LIFE. I know the criticisms that often follow such a statement. I don't want to hear them!

When I was 19, I was told I would more than likely not be able to have children without medical intervention. At 22, I gave birth to my sweet son, Jonathan. 12 years later, I gave birth to my second precious son, Liam. Would I like to have more? Yes!!!! However, God apparently believes two are enough! I struggle to constantly 'get in line' with this idea. Still, His ways are better than mine.

As I was saying, my sons are everything to me. To say I feel blessed to be their mother is an understatement. There are challenges to raising boys, especially when they are 12 years apart, but overall, boys RULE! Because Jonathan and Liam mean the world to me, my heart is constantly rent. I fear that I am not teaching them everything they will need to know in order to grow up and be: followers of Christ, independent, strong in mind and body, and responsible adults. This is when my faith leeps in the picture.

I pray for my boys daily and will long after they have families of their own. I also try and remember to pray for myself, that I will enjoy every minute, hour, and day I have with Jonathan and Liam. And...quit feeling sooo guilty! Get rid of the working mom's guilt!!!